People thinking they’re worth my time, thinking I value their opinion without knowing anything about them, thinking a woman (or anyone) owes them something because of their personal choices, and who are seemingly incapable of treating other people with respect, especially on the internet. These are the people I am referencing by DUDES. Not my fault they’re usually men. ಥ_ಥ
Recently I noticed that way more dudes* were interacting with me online than women. In the past, it’s been mostly women who comment, reply, reblog. I was confused and annoyed.
Then I realized I’ve been only posting my photography here and reblogging most things over on my other Tumblr. Which means dudes were only ever seeing nakedness and not ever seeing how much I dislike them. Also I haven’t been writing much here, so dudes were only ever seeing nakedness and not an entire human, which I know is hard to do when only presented with photos.
*Don’t make me EYEROLL you
Thanks for asking!
The balance is found when everyone is safe, but the perpetrators know that harassment will have consequences and stop themselves in the future, in order to avoid such consequences. The key is not to aggravate, but to cause enough of an unpleasantness to leave an impression. Avoid displaying anger and name-calling, and stick to what we all know to be true: catcalling is never a compliment, no one likes to be harassed, harassment is a violation, literally all women ever have been harassed, street harassment scars women for life. The material practically writes itself.
Trouble is, there is no surefire way of knowing who is the type of asshole to get aggravated and get violent, and this is why most people stay quiet. Be aware that by stepping in, you are choosing to get involved, and that could mean all sorts of bad news. When I see harassment, I choose to get involved. To me, staying silent is nothing less than perpetuating the problem and the worst thing I could do. On a personal note, If you’re an able-bodied dude reading this, I would really, really love it if you would think of intervening as your job as a human.
There are lots of great resources on the topic I’ll link to after this, but this article, What Men Can Do to Stop Street Harassment, says it best with the short and catchy, Call them out, call them in. I paraphrase and append:
Call out with a short question or statement to give the victim reprieve and remove the perceived social approval of harassment.
Call in by asking questions and initiating dialogue. Sometimes this could mean asking others around how they feel about the perp’s actions, which kills several birds with one stone: more eyes on the situation, more voices to support how shitty harassment is.