For the past six days I’ve been sick. Started with laryngitis and then an upper respiratory infection and it’s taking me forever to get over it.
I’ve been watching movies on Netflix, but it’s starting to bum me out. Movies are all so something that what I’m living right now isn’t. The internet is that way too, right now.
So I’m doing what any person would do to quell the inanity of many days sick in bed: fangirling.
Sometimes I worry because I don’t intensely love a lot of things. I’m constantly distracted by the lack of passion in my life. I find myself doing shit because I don’t really know what I’d rather do more. I think about it too much. I want to find things that I really love, but I get too caught up in my own brain. I start to feel weird if I want to buy only clothes that would be practical in a post-zombie-apocalyptic world. Or I start having second thoughts about wanting mermaid hair. I start worrying about what the consequences of being really excited about something can be. I start worrying about what happens when it all ends? Or nothing fantastical happens in my life? Is it all worth the disappointment? I start getting afraid of being really passionate about something.
And that’s just ridiculously stupid, because everywhere around me are people proving this fear wrong. People I know and love are embracing passions and obsessions and getting away with it; owning it and making really amazing things happen in their lives and the lives of others.
I think that’s why I love nerds so much: no one is more unabashedly passionate than a nerd. Dr. Who cosplay, Firefly tattoos, a different Star Wars shirt for every day of the week, the drive to collect every edition of Interview with the Vampire ever released, the willingness to travel across the country just for the privilege of being around a thousand other nerds. I love all that shit. And my internet is full of nerds and geeks and fangirls that remind me that I actually love getting really excited about things.
I’m so glad that the internet exists because otherwise I’d have no one to share all of my excitement with. Sometimes I will forget how wonderful it feels to watch 10 episodes of TNG in a row and then someone will send me an email with a picture of Patrick Stewart with the words, “Saw this, thought of you,” and I’ll remember how good it is to be obsessed with something in a community so encouraging. And I think encouraging obsession can be a really good thing.
A lot of people are like, “Oh! Everything in moderation, dearie!” But I doubt the potential for anything to be accomplished without obsession. I wouldn’t have gone to Korea and learned about how the Korean pop industry works and conversational Korean if it weren’t for my obsession with kpop. I wouldn’t have ever understood the mechanics of the space-time continuum if I wasn’t obsessed with Star Trek. I wouldn’t have spent hours reading about string theory if it weren’t for Fringe. I wouldn’t know about half the fantastical and magical stuff I know if it wasn’t for Supernatural inspiring me to look it up. I probably wouldn’t be married to Matt if it wasn’t for my obsession with Lestat that made me attracted to the strong, dark, and mysterious types. I wouldn’t be able to understand humanity without my obsession for YA fiction!
I don’t know, dude, maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe there are consequences for being too obsessed with certain things. All I know is I’ve been watching Big Bang videos for the last hour and I feel a lot better about life.