Katie West

I’ve never really been very good at being a Bitch. I just wasn’t built with those fast-witted, mean response mechanisms, that can come in handy sometimes. I’m not very good at confrontation, or sending through my lips the words that always come to me later, always too late. I can’t really think that fast, I’m too meticulous - I spend too long trying to pick a movie to rent because I am worried I might miss something if I go too fast. I take hours to play chess because I have to weigh the potential of every possible move very carefully.

So the same thing happens to me when someone is confronting me in a hostile way; I’m taking too long to weigh my options, to play out in my head every possible outcome of what my potential words can create. So I get flustered and my face heats up and I turn all red and if I’m angry it just exasperates the entire situation. If I’m angry and trying to have a verbal dispute of some sort, well, just forget it, I’m much too emotional. I will inevitably start to yell and then start to cry. But sometimes I wish I could be a bitch. I wish I could really threaten people with my Cunning Bitch Factor. That people would say, “Don’t mess with Katie West! She can be a real bitch if you try to fuck with her!” But I’m so not. I can’t be bitchy even when I try. I can be too honest in inappropriate situations, but that just comes off cruel and lacks that swagger that bitchiness requires. So I tend to avoid situations where I have to be a bitch, even if sometimes people really deserve having someone bitch them out because they are the bitchiest, cuntiest people on the planet.

(My father, when he’s angry, will growl. I kid you not. Growl like a bear. A while ago I asked him why he always did that and he said it was because he didn’t want to say something when he’s angry, that he’ll regret later when he’s not. Yeah, my dad is kinda awesome like that.)

Sometimes when people leave stupid comments on my photos or my blog, I contemplate saying something bitchy in response, but then I think about what will happen if they respond - we’ll be arguing on the internet! Which is something I will try to avoid at all costs.I also only tend to argue things if I know all the facts, and just knowing the commenter is a douchebag - just not enough info!

When people first meet me, they sometimes think I’m a bitch because I don’t say very much and I always look so serious, and they come up with nicknames for me like, The Ice Queen, which I don’t really mind so much. Ha! I actually think to myself, when I first meet people, “Katie, soften your expression, make yourself approachable!” I don’t know if it works.

Anyway, my point is that not being able to be a bitch is tough sometimes, you know it?